Writing an Obituary

How to write an obituary:

What to include
Unlike a eulogy, an obituary must give people essential facts about who died and information about the service or memorial. Obituaries act as public announcements both to notify people of the event and to provide details in case the reader wants to pay their respects.
On top of the essential information, obituaries usually also celebrate a person by noting highlights of their life, estimating their legacy, and reporting some personal anecdotes that illustrate the deceased’s best qualities. Tradition also suggests including the names of close family members, both current (the deceased is survived by … ) and previous (was preceded in death by … ).

Here’s a list of some essential information a good obituary includes:
Full name
Date of birth
Date of death
Age at the time of death
Service information: date, time, and location of funeral or memorial services, with visitation details
Flower or donation information
Names of close family members, both living and dead
Brief biography: place of birth, career highlights, weddings, hobbies, and significant life achievements

How to write an obituary for a family member or loved one
1 Gather the facts
Before you begin the emotional components of the obituary, it’s best to start with the facts. For one, it’s easier to compile facts than write something personal. For another, you want to make sure you include all the need-to-know information without forgetting anything.
Use the list above as a checklist until you’ve collected all the necessary information. You don’t have to worry about the order of these details just yet; these first couple of steps are about figuring out what you want to say before you figure out how to say it.

2 Consider what made them special
Everyone is unique, and their influence on others is unique. Obituaries try to capture what made that person special and honour it, but that can be difficult to put into words.
If you were close to the deceased, ask yourself a few questions. What aspects of them did you love and respect most? What was their impact on your life? What will you miss?
Think about what this person valued. What did they spend most of their time doing? What were they known for, among their friends and family?
Obituaries are meant to be short, so you can’t elaborate on much. Try to stick to the big picture and list only what they were best known for. Ask friends and family members to see if others felt the same way, or if they valued traits that you weren’t aware of.
Amani was often seen tending to her flowerbed, a five-time winner of the local Garden Club annual competition. When asked what her secret to gardening was, she’d respond cheekily that her secret ingredients were “sun and water.”

3 Write the obituary as a brief life story
Once you’ve collected all the usable information, it’s time to start writing. There are no specific structure requirements for an obituary, but you can use a simple essay structure if that helps guide you. An obituary typically reports the person’s full name at the outset and then shifts to using their first name, or whatever they were known by.
Traditional obituaries begin with the full name of the deceased as well as the time and place of their death. This introductory paragraph can also contain the cause of death and the age of the deceased.
The main body of the obituary succinctly describes the life of the deceased. This section should cover the major life events we listed above: childhood, careers, relationships, hobbies, and other major achievements.
Anecdotes from friends and family can add some personality to the obituary and help keep the memory of the person alive. But remember to keep it brief—save the detailed stories for the services.
The concluding section often begins by listing the closest family members and then ends by sharing the information for the service or memorial, as well as suggestions for donations.

4 Revise and proofread
Once you’ve finished a first draft, you can revise it and improve it. For starters, proofreading is essential for an obituary because it will be viewed publicly. Make sure you use the correct spellings for names, places, companies, etc., and double-check that your dates are accurate.
Additionally, you should think about the tone. Because people perceive death in more than one way, the tone of an obituary can vary depending on who you’re speaking for and who you’re speaking to. Some families prefer the solemnity of a formal funeral announcement, while others prefer to celebrate life more casually. Consider who will be reading the obituary before committing to a tone.
It’s always recommended to show the obituary to others before publishing it. They may have insights you missed or spot mistakes you didn’t notice.

Here’s a tip: Grammarly can help catch mistakes as you write and refine the tone of your obituary.

Common mistakes with obituary writing
Overlooking details
Obituaries are announcements first and foremost, so they must include important information. While many people appreciate a sentimental and heartwarming obituary, you still need to provide all the essential details, like the date of death and information about the services or memorials.
Missing family members or key events
Even if you were close to the deceased, parts of their life may still be unfamiliar to you. Failing to mention what others consider an important aspect might leave the obituary feeling incomplete or biased. Ask friends and family or have them double-check a draft of the obituary.
Writing that’s too formal or too casual
Obituaries are emotional, so striking the right tone is the key to avoid offending people. You want to use a balance of formality and informality that best honors the deceased and speaks to those reading the obituary. Use the elements of empathy writing to make sure your obituary is respectful to both the deceased and the readers.

Submitting an obituary
At some point in the process of writing an obituary, you will choose where you want it to appear. This matters in part because some places, especially traditional publications such as newspapers, have word limits and/or charge differently for different types of obituaries. 

Here is where you can submit your Loved Forever Obituary

To submit to a newspaper, you can simply visit the newspaper’s website and follow the instructions for publishing an obituary. Pay attention to fees and any printing restrictions they have. Some will charge on average $600-1000 depending on the number of times you want the message posted.

Obituary examples
Traditional obituary example
Bernadetta Holmes Gomez, 76, of Arlington, Virginia, left us peacefully on September 23, surrounded by friends and family. A beloved wife, mother, and grandmother, Bernadetta, or “Bernie,” will always be remembered for her kindness and willingness to help those in trouble, even strangers.
Born on January 7, 1948, in Arlington, Bernie grew up the only daughter of Thomas and Wanda Holmes and sister to three brothers: James, Wilson, and Phillip. When she wasn’t helping around the house or putting hours into her family’s grocery store, Bernie was an active member of the church community for St. Lorenzo, in particular the choir.
A proud teacher, Bernie devoted her career to Middleton High School, where she worked as the resident English teacher and occasionally assisted her colleague Ronald Bowling with the school’s dramatic productions. Bernie believed that every child had potential and sought to help as many young minds as she could.
On May 23, 1970, Bernie married the love of her life, Antonio Gomez. The two shared a passionate romance that lasted nearly 50 years and yielded two children and five grandchildren.
Bernie is survived by her daughter, Emilia Schumacher, and son, Roger Gomez, as well as her grandchildren Madison Schumacher, Kyle Schumacher, James Gomez, and Michaela Gomez. She was preceded in death by her husband, Antonio, and her grandson Anderson Gomez.
A service to celebrate Bernie’s life will be held on September 27 at 11:00 a.m. in St. Lorenzo church. All are welcome. In lieu of flowers, donations may be made to the Middleton Teacher’s Scholarship, a charity close to Bernie’s heart.

Anecdotal obituary example
It is with heavy hearts that we announce the passing of Brett Carlson on September 23, at the age of 57, from sudden cardiac arrest. Brett was a boisterous personality in the community, and his hometown of Lakeview will miss the unmistakable sound of his laughter.
Brett began his life on July 18, 1967, at the UNM Hospital in Albuquerque, New Mexico. According to friends, the doctors who delivered him commented on his large smile, predicting the happy-go-lucky mood that would follow him throughout life. Brett spent a quiet but content childhood in Albuquerque with his parents, Eleanor and Leo Carlson, and his sister, Dorothy “Dottie” Carlson.
Brett first moved to Lakeview in 1980 to pursue a career in sales at Bizmotti Tech. There, his charming personality allowed him to thrive and assist the growth of the burgeoning electronics and computer industry. An ex-employer once remarked that Brett was a “model salesman,” able to comfort clients and put people at ease without imposing on anyone. It was then that he met his wife, Emily Goldberg, although the way she tells it, it took her a few years to “warm up to him.”
Perhaps Brett was better known as a familiar face at the downtown Shriners Club, where he often spent his Sundays. He was a particularly formidable opponent during the monthly “Trivia Night” competitions, in which he often came in first or second.
Brett is survived by his wife, Emily, and their son, Chet Carlson, and son-in-law, Shiva Singh. He was preceded in death by his sister, Dorothy Carlson.
A public memorial for Brett will be held at the Shriners Club on September 30 from 1:00 p.m. to 8:00 p.m. In honor of his generous spirit, the family asks that donations be made to the Shriners Children charity. Although Brett is no longer with us, his legacy of laughter and compassion will live on.

Key takeaways
Include all the important information for an obituary, like the deceased’s full name, age, time/place of death, and significant life accomplishments.
Obituaries are meant to be short announcements; while it’s fine to include personal anecdotes and details, save the lengthy stories for the service or memorial.
Check with other family and friends before publishing. There may be some aspects of the deceased’s life worth mentioning that you’re unfamiliar with.
Make sure you use the best tone to honor the deceased. Some communities deal with death better using formality, while others prefer something more personable and human.

https://www.grammarly.com/blog/writing-tips/obituary/

Poems that may come in handy

“I have not gone” by Unknown
You think I’ve gone, that I am dead, and life has lost its will,
But look around, I am right there, living with you still.
I watch your tears, I feel your pain – I see the things you do.
I weep as well, each time you cry, my soul, it lives with you.

It gives such joy to hear you laugh, and do the things you do.
And when you smile o’er bygone days, I smile right with you too.
For we’re still one, just you and me, one mind, one soul, one being
Walking forward into life, though only you are seen.,

And in the stillness of the night, when the pain it really starts,
Stretch out a little with your mind and draw me to your heart,
For I am always right in there, always by your side,
For you have been, all my life’s days, my joy, my love, my pride.
‍
“God’s garden” by Melissa Shreve
God looked around his garden and found an empty place.
He then looked down upon the Earth and saw your tired face.
He put his arms around you and lifted you to rest.
With the help of his angels they flew you to your heavenly place.

Gods garden must be beautiful, he always takes the best.
He knew you were suffering, he knew you were in pain.
He knew that you would never get well on Earth again.

He saw the road was getting rough and the hills too hard to climb.
He closed your weary eyelids and whispered, “Peace be Thine”
It broke our hearts to lose you, but you didn’t go alone.
For part of us went with you the day God called you home.

“When tomorrow starts without me” by David M. Romano
When tomorrow starts without me, and I am not here to see
If the sun should rise and find your eyes all filled with tears for me,
I know how much you love me as much as I love you.
And each time you think of me, I know you’ll miss me too.
But when tomorrow starts without me, please try to understand
That Jesus came and called my name and took me by the hand.
He said my place is ready in heaven far above,
And that I have to leave behind all those I dearly love.

“The broken chain” by Ron Tranmer
We little knew the day that
God was going to call your name.
In life, we loved you dearly,
In death, we do the same.
It broke our hearts to lose you.
But you didn’t go alone.
For part of us went with you
The day God called you home.
You left us peaceful memories.
Your love is still our guide,
And though we cannot see you
You are always at our side.
Our family chain is broken
and nothing seems the same,
but as God calls us one by one
the chain will link again.

“Farewell my friends” by Rabindranath Tagore
It was beautiful
as long as it lasted
the journey of my life.
I have no regrets
whatsoever save
the pain I’ll leave behind.
Those dear hearts
who love and care
and the heavy with sleep
ever moist eyes.
The smile, in spite of a 
lump in the throat
and the strings pulling
at the heart and soul.
The strong arms
that held me up
when my own strength
let me down.
Each morsel that I was
fed with was full of love divine.
At every turning of my life
I came across
good friends.
Friends who stood by me
even when the time raced by.
Farewell, Farewell
my friends.
I smile and bid you goodbye.
No, shed no tears,
for I need them not.
All I need is your smile.
If you feel sad
think of me
for that’s what I’d like.
When you live in the hearts
of those you love,
remember then…
you never die.

“Turn again to life” by Mary Lee Hall
If I should die and
Leave you here awhile,
Be not like others sore undone,
Who keep long vigils
By the silent dust and weep.
For my sake, turn again
To life and smile
Nerving thy heart
And trembling hand to do
Something to comfort
Other hearts than thine.
Complete these dear
Unfinished Tasks of mine,
And I, perchance
May therein comfort you.

“Funeral” by Rupi Kaur
when i go from this place
dress the porch with garlands
as you would for a wedding day, my dear
pull the people from their homes
and dance in the streets
when death arrives
like a bride at the aisle
send me off in my brightest clothing
serve ice cream with rose petals to our guests
there’s no reason to cry, my dear
i have waited my whole life
for such a beauty to take
my breath away
when i go
let it be a celebration
for i have been here
i have lived
i have won at this game called life.

‍”The life that I have” by Leo Marks
The life that I have
Is all that I have
And the life that I have
Is yours
The love that I have
Of the life that I have
Is yours and yours and yours.
A sleep I shall have
A rest I shall have
Yet death will be but a pause
For the peace of my years
In the long green grass
Will be yours and yours and yours.

“She is gone” by David Harkins
You can shed tears that she is gone,
Or you can smile because she has lived.
You can close your eyes and pray that she will come back,
Or you can open your eyes and see all that she has left.
Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her,
Or you can be full of the love that you shared.

“You’ve just walked on ahead of me” by Joyce Grenfell
I try and cope the best I can
But I’m missing you so much.
If I could only see you
And once more feel your touch.
Yes, you’ve just walked on ahead of me.
Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.
But now and then, I swear I feel
Your hand slip into mine.

“She’s in the sun, the wind, the rain” by Christy Ann Martine
She’s in the sun, the wind, the rain,
she’s in the air you breathe
with every breath you take.
She sings a song of hope and cheer,
there’s no more pain, no more fear.
You’ll see her in the clouds above,
hear her whisper words of love,
you’ll be together before long,
until then, listen for her song.

“My angel” by CJR
I wake up in the morning,
And I look up to the sky.
I wonder why he took you,
before I said goodbye.
I look up to the stars at night,
And know you’re looking down.
I’d like to think you’re proud of me,
But I’m just stumbling round.
I crawl in bed and close my eyes,
And realize that you’re gone.
Then comes the fears and then the tears,
And life just seems so wrong.
I glance up at the heavens,
And I know you’re flying by.
My Angel’s watching over me,
I’m happy as I cry.

“Our memories build a special bridge” by Emily Mathews
When loved ones have to part
To help us feel we are with them still
And soothe a grieving heart
They span the years and warm our lives
Preserving ties that bind
Our memories build a special bridge
And bring us peace of mind.

“Let me die a young man’s death” by Roger McGough
Let me die a young man’s death
not a clean and in between
the sheets holy water death,
not a famous-last-words
peaceful out-of-breath death.

When I’m 73,
and in constant good tumour,
may I be mown down at dawn
by a bright red sports car
on my way home
from an all-night party.

Or when I’m 91,
with silver hair
and sitting in a barber’s chair,
may rival gangsters
with hamfisted Tommy guns burst in
and give me a short back and insides.

Or when I’m 104,
and banned from the Cavern
may my mistress
catching me in bed with her daughter
and fearing for her son
cut me up into little pieces
and throw away every piece but one.

Let me die a young man’s death,
not a free-from-sin tiptoe in
candle wax and waning death,
not a curtains drawn by angels borne
’what a nice way to go’ death.

“Inside our dreams” by Jeanne Willis
Where do people go to when they die?
Somewhere down below or in the sky?
“I can’t be sure,” said Grandad, “but it seems
They simply set up home inside our dreams.”

“Do not stand at my grave and weep” by Mary Elizabeth Frye
Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there. I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning’s hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there. I did not die.

“Love lives on” by Unknown
Those we love remain with us
for love itself lives on,
and cherished memories never fade
because a loved one’s gone.
Those we love can never
be more than a thought apart,
far as long as there is memory,
they’ll live on in the heart.

“Requiem” by Robert Louis Stevenson
Under the wide and starry sky,
Dig the grave, and let me lie.
Glad did I live and gladly I die,
And I laid me down with a will.
This be the verse you grave for me:
Here he lies where he longed to be;
Home is the sailor, home from sea;
And the hunter home from the hill.

“Remember when you go” by Rebecca Puig
Remember when you go into the world to
keep your eyes and ears wide open.
And be kind.
Love one another.
Take care of each other.
Tell the truth.
Always do your best.
Listen to the big people and the little people.
Explore new paths and have fun.
Know that you are loved like crazy.
Give thanks for all your blessings.
Above all else,
Love, and you will do
wonderful things in this world.
“Warm summer sun” by Walt Whitman
Warm summer sun,
Shine kindly here,
Warm southern wind,
Blow softly here.
Green sod above,
Lie light, lie light.
Good night, dear heart,
Good night, good night.